I am being tormanted

 

I am now at home thinking of what to do with my problems. I need to be down to earth and Ahmed my sins. I have to accept. that I have a substance dependence crisis causing me to be depress and redrawn from society and just taking the substance just to feel normal. I have been on

benzodiazepins at a estimation of twenty years which include diazepam and Xanax including my own combination of Codeine and Ephedrine. As one know, with ephedrine, Codeine with than metabolize into morphine by the brain and less of the liver. What I know is that from the amount of years of my dependence my brain's chemistry has been accustomed to the substance. Without the substance, the chemical structure will not be the same. Causing chemical imbalance in the brain and  other complications like being redrawn, irritable ect... and substituting with other drugs just to be able to be funcutionable. 

My digital recording of my composition is incomplete

 

I have been composing musical songs for sometime now.  I realized that the best part of my composition is being wiped out when being recorded digitally and even being recorded live!? 

I decided to do it the old school way again.

I am happier alone

I am happy if I am alone. My wife is a smilling killer. I have to mask myself for this photo shot. 

She tell things that are not true. 

Antidiarrheal medacad.

 

Diphenoxylate is an ingredient related to Demerol an Opiate.

I am SAFRA at 645hrs in the morning.

I am now using the wifi in this place where I hope I can find inner peace.

OST

Today I will walk alone

My wife is having medapose

I know this may sound Croix. But the stress and the combination of both is nearf wacking.

A Ride in the park.

I was having a good walk today at kallang river Singapore. I gain reminiscents of my childhood when I was there fishing. Fishing was my passion in the past. That includes fly fishing in New Zealand , but it was a passing frase

I wish I look normal again

What did I do wrong? I behave myself and am not promiscuous.

I don't want to go crazy

I have this feeling the doctors want me to go psychotic. Diet pills  PANBESY , Dururomin, is thats the killer. Because taking one and I am still hungry ?

I don't know what to expect

My better half has been acting erectly these few days including me. I feel that we are like what, not what God meant to make us to be? But there are a lot of torment we have been going though.

I like this look

I have to live on.

I don`t to Die under the "doctors" hand

I have this feeling the spiritual force is causing be to commit suicide without my consent or have a fatal illness. I don`t want to die of a heart attack.
After Note: I know this may sound crazy. but it true.