Losing my mind

I am in the thin line between sanity and insanity. In my heart where I want really want to accept Christ as saviour and be a christian but what happened to me. I am so stupid. I am feeling borderline the last few decades. and I went into paganism. it is like it is difficult to let go once you reach the level of satanism it is just like hotel California. quote you can check out any time you want but you can never leave. I don't believe in that. I hope dear dear will bring me to Christianity and i am willing to let lose all spiritualism acts. Just to let you guys know i have never use it against anyone and I swear I will never because what goes around comes around. All I want now is to accept Christ forget about flying like David Copperfield. Anyway The thing my wife last posted is called Sisha.